Another friend is dying. I remember my dad telling me, “It seems like everyone I love is dying,” and he was younger than I am now. Linda is only 56 and that is too young. Her children and grandchildren still need her.
I first knew Linda as a relatively new mother, struggling to get two toddlers to church. At that time she had no spiritual support from her husband. Her mother was a gem, a true saint of our congregation, who died only five years ago. Linda’s father lived a couple more years, and it seems highly unfair that this daughter who cared for them so sweetly would not live at least as long as they did. But we all know life is not fair--nor is death.
Daryl, her husband, for many years has been her faithful companion—helping, listening, interpreting, running interference, giving moral and spiritual support. He isn’t in good health, either, having had open heart surgery and knee replacement during the eleven years Linda has fought ovarian cancer.
In 1998, Linda wrote in a journal passed among our sisters, “If anyone would have told me eight weeks ago what I would be doing tonight, I might have been as doubtful as Abraham’s Sarah. I probably would have laughed! When I finish this journal entry and my tea, I will be having a Bible study for the first time with my best friend and husband, and he suggested it! God really does work in mysterious ways!”
Linda called yesterday morning from her hospital room in tears over a doctor’s words. This woman reprimanded Linda for requesting blood transfusions and physical therapy, saying that Linda needed to decide if she wanted to waste time and resources in the hospital or go home to be with her family for her last days. She is not one of Linda’s regular doctors and obviously doesn’t know what a fighter Linda is. Then she offered to pray with Linda, and Linda thought things were looking up. But the woman addressed her prayer to Allah, and Linda, who has had many challenges with a Muslim son-in-law, was appalled.
Eleven years of doctors and chemo and complications have depleted their meager funds, but Christian friends have filled the gap. This time the contributions are for her “end of earthly life” arrangements, and she is immeasurably relieved that Daryl won’t have that burden. Friends from nearby to hundreds of miles away responded generously when they knew of the need.
More and more, I see that there is no discounting the power of prayer and Linda's determination. Another doctor later yesterday said Linda might still have months. Linda asked me, "Where is that luncheon on April 30?"
I had feared Linda had a reservation elsewhere, but perhaps not. I think I'd better get in those luncheon reservations.
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Showing posts with label friendships. Show all posts
Showing posts with label friendships. Show all posts
Wednesday, April 06, 2011
Saturday, August 28, 2010
Categories of Friends
A friend recently invited me to a luncheon at her house because "my Kenton County friends want to meet my Campbell County friends." Her invitation said that her golfing friends wanted to meet her non-golfing friends, which must boil down to the same thing.
That made me think about how I group my friends into categories and sub-categories. For example, there are two couples that we know fairly well that I think of as "our rich friends." That's purely a money designation, for many of my friends are rich in other ways.
Tonight we had for supper four couples (rich in love and children) that fit into a very specific category, but not one I think of often. They were all couples for whom Steve performed their wedding ceremony. The oldest are now grandparents; the youngest have a three-year-old. Five other couples had previous plans.
Worshiping with so many couples that Steve married seems especially unusual because the present generation of marrying age tend to have our youth minister marry them. He's been at our church for 16 years, so they are close and it is appropriate for them to choose him. But two weeks ago Steve performed the ceremony for a 29-year-old man who used to go to our church and still holds us in high regard. It's touching that a person who has been gone from our congregation for over 10 years still feels that connected to us. In counseling with the couple, Steve paid them one of his highest compliments for engaged couples: "They seem more interested in their marriage than in their wedding." The wedding and the reception were beautiful and well-planned, but that was not their main focus. Friends of the bride's family thanked Steve for emphasizing faithfulness to God in the ceremony. We were reassured to know that her family and friends are believers who live out their beliefs.
As a part of a toast, the best man/brother reminded the couple not to depend on each other for happiness, but to look within themselves and their relationship to God. This was a poignant moment for many listening who realized the young man was speaking from his own experience and mistakes.
Tonight we loved being with families with whom we have a long shared history. Thirty-five years with one congregation creates unbreakable bonds. I look at each of these couples and remember: a roadtrip with Bev before she was married; the year of dinner and Bible studies that Ruth and Bob had with Jim before he became a Christian; Kim's strong faith throughout the death of her first husband; Scott being the only person at church besides Steve who calls me "Nita;" Donia, from a family of twelve children, traveling to China to bring back this precious albino little girl; Cathy, who is more beautiful in both appearance and as a person now than when she married; Bill and Gene, whose quiet service keeps building and grounds functioning smoothly and their families grounded. What a special group of people!
Such a pleasant time together makes me want to plan a time when the other five couples and their children can come. But how could it match this?
Now to think of other categories of friends to invite: those who are unbelievers, strong believers that are part of other faith traditions, new hires at the university, neighbors, those of our church older than we, our children's peers that Steve didn't marry, people new to our congregation in the last two years, those who persist in special ministries that are often under-appreciated, couples with babies, singles of all ages, former elders and deacons and their wives, those who taught our children (now grown) in Bible classes. The list is endless. It was fun to have them guess their commonality. Bill figured it out, but the rest were surprised to know Steve married Bill and Bev.
Life is cyclical and we must savor it and examine it without letting it slip by unnoticed. God gives us each day, each friend, each moment. Let's pay attention to our relationships in every sector of our lives. Only by keeping up these connections can we avoid the "if only I had...." regrets in our lives.
That made me think about how I group my friends into categories and sub-categories. For example, there are two couples that we know fairly well that I think of as "our rich friends." That's purely a money designation, for many of my friends are rich in other ways.
Tonight we had for supper four couples (rich in love and children) that fit into a very specific category, but not one I think of often. They were all couples for whom Steve performed their wedding ceremony. The oldest are now grandparents; the youngest have a three-year-old. Five other couples had previous plans.
Worshiping with so many couples that Steve married seems especially unusual because the present generation of marrying age tend to have our youth minister marry them. He's been at our church for 16 years, so they are close and it is appropriate for them to choose him. But two weeks ago Steve performed the ceremony for a 29-year-old man who used to go to our church and still holds us in high regard. It's touching that a person who has been gone from our congregation for over 10 years still feels that connected to us. In counseling with the couple, Steve paid them one of his highest compliments for engaged couples: "They seem more interested in their marriage than in their wedding." The wedding and the reception were beautiful and well-planned, but that was not their main focus. Friends of the bride's family thanked Steve for emphasizing faithfulness to God in the ceremony. We were reassured to know that her family and friends are believers who live out their beliefs.
As a part of a toast, the best man/brother reminded the couple not to depend on each other for happiness, but to look within themselves and their relationship to God. This was a poignant moment for many listening who realized the young man was speaking from his own experience and mistakes.
Tonight we loved being with families with whom we have a long shared history. Thirty-five years with one congregation creates unbreakable bonds. I look at each of these couples and remember: a roadtrip with Bev before she was married; the year of dinner and Bible studies that Ruth and Bob had with Jim before he became a Christian; Kim's strong faith throughout the death of her first husband; Scott being the only person at church besides Steve who calls me "Nita;" Donia, from a family of twelve children, traveling to China to bring back this precious albino little girl; Cathy, who is more beautiful in both appearance and as a person now than when she married; Bill and Gene, whose quiet service keeps building and grounds functioning smoothly and their families grounded. What a special group of people!
Such a pleasant time together makes me want to plan a time when the other five couples and their children can come. But how could it match this?
Now to think of other categories of friends to invite: those who are unbelievers, strong believers that are part of other faith traditions, new hires at the university, neighbors, those of our church older than we, our children's peers that Steve didn't marry, people new to our congregation in the last two years, those who persist in special ministries that are often under-appreciated, couples with babies, singles of all ages, former elders and deacons and their wives, those who taught our children (now grown) in Bible classes. The list is endless. It was fun to have them guess their commonality. Bill figured it out, but the rest were surprised to know Steve married Bill and Bev.
Life is cyclical and we must savor it and examine it without letting it slip by unnoticed. God gives us each day, each friend, each moment. Let's pay attention to our relationships in every sector of our lives. Only by keeping up these connections can we avoid the "if only I had...." regrets in our lives.
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