Optimist or Pessimist--Either Can Be Learned

Columbus Day was a special day when I was in elementary school. We’d review “Columbus sailed the ocean blue in fourteen hundred ninety-two” and study his travel routes to the New World. Then after I became a teacher, much of the traditional story was disparaged. I still mentioned it on October 12 each year, though, for it is part of our culture.

It’s hard for me to wrap my mind around how long ago that was that I was in Miss Sue’s class, or Miss Floy’s class, or Miss Valley Legge’s class. (You know I couldn’t make up that name!) They taught basic values that still serve me well today. Maybe soon I’ll write about the day in 1954 when Miss Floy led us outside and we all added “under God” to the pledge of allegiance for the first time.

I’m now reading The Optimistic Child by Martin Seligman. He has excellent explanations for why so many more people in the United States are depressed than years ago when they had more reasons to be depressed. Years ago, everyone espoused the value of God, nation, family, and duty. Today much more emphasis is on self—what we can accomplish ourselves and what others can do for us. Pessimism is a characteristic of depression and he has good tips for counteracting pessimism.

His style is very readable and applicable with any child—or adult, for that matter. He is much more analytical and has studies to back up what he’s writing, but his philosophy for building a child’s self-esteem in a realistic way reminds me of the Haim Ginott books I read as I was rearing my children. You compliment specific accomplishments, such as “You did a good job of putting away your toys” rather than a blanket statement that they might believe is not true, such as “You are a great kid!” Not that you shouldn’t say the latter—just that pointing out their capabilities in a way they can agree with is most effective.

I’m not even half way through with the book, but already I think it’s a must-read for parents. I may be giving a few of these at Christmas this year!

100 Things--or maybe 21

I just found a notebook from twelve or fifteen years ago with the impressive title, "Lanita's Lists." The first entry says "100 Things I've Learned in My Life." Wow! I thought when I found it--my life wisdom from years ago.

So it turns out that the list I started so optimistically has only 21 items on it. But they are still lessons I've found to be true, so I'll share them here. (I really want to comment on some of them, but I'll let them stand for now.)

1. Life is not fair.
2. An activity fills the time allotted to it.
3. Other people make the same dumb mistakes I do.
4. My own children are delightful.
5. Childhood passes quickly.
6. Handling people fairly does not mean identically.
7. The more competence you exhibit, the more competence people expect.
8. Don't say anything important to Steve during a basketball game.
9. It pays to keep quiet.
10. It pays to speak up.
11. Personal characteristics become more so with age.
12. Simple pleasures are more enjoyable than extravagant ones.
13. Girls are more challenging to raise than boys.
14. Men and boys are easier to manipulate than females.
15. Children remember best what they've done individually.
16. "Have a good one" is a fake-y thing to say.
17. People are more important than things.
18. Sincere apologies are always appropriate.
19. Teachers make a poor audience.
20. Computers are both wonderful and horrendous.
21. I must give what I want to get.

Who knows? Someday I may actually figure out the other 79 things I've learned. Meanwhile, I may take one item from this list occasionally and comment on it. I'd love to hear from readers on any of these points. Do you agree or disagree? What would you add to the list from your own experiences?