What Does Prayer Get You?

In It’s the Little Things, Lena Williams says that a test of true friendship between those of different races is that you have been in each other’s bedrooms. Until Friday, the only time I’d been in my friend Amy’s bedroom was several years ago when some children were playing there during a party.

This Friday, I was in her bedroom helping her pack to go to New York. No, not a trip for fun, but because her 27-year-old son Marcus had died suddenly. He was traveling on a bicycle in Manhattan when the driver of a parked car opened the door in front of him. He was catapulted into the path of a large truck and died immediately. There is more detail at http://www.nydailynews.com/ny_local/2010/10/24/2010-10-24_fatally_doored_cyclist_had_a_passion_for_helping_the_poor_dream_of_moving_to_new.html.

Where is God in all this? I know Amy. We’ve been prayer partners for years; we just prayed together Thursday evening. We pray for each other’s children and I know Amy prays for her children’s safety and guidance every day. So couldn’t God have made that driver hesitate before opening the car door? Of course he could have. So why didn’t he? I don’t know. I keep going back to the “his ways are higher than our ways” passage, but I don’t think this was God’s doing. Human beings were just doing their things and God didn’t intervene.

I don’t like the suffering that accompanies God’s lack of intervention. I don’t like seeing the tear-stained faces and feeling the gut-wrenching pain of everyone who knew Marcus or his parents.

Ironically, our Bible study group is presently studying prayer, and one thing I’ve gotten from it recently is that many times God’s answer to our prayers is that he gives us peace—not our request, but peace with the circumstances that accompany our request. “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:6-7). I’d never read this passage in quite that way before. Paul tells us to present our requests to God, and that His peace will guard our hearts and minds—not that God is a fairy godmother-type who will grant our wishes.

So that’s the blessing I pray for Amy and her family, for the newly widowed Adrienne, for the vast network of friends that Marcus leaves behind.

I can just picture Marcus walking up to Ruth and her saying, “Well, Marcus! How great to see you! I wasn’t expecting you so soon, but let’s sit and talk a while.” And there will be his old friend Bud who just died in August, and Marcus will be the first of us to hear Bud speak clearly and walk standing straight and tall. What a blessing for him!

Thank you, Lord, for the assurance of heaven. I pray for those who have no hope, that they will turn to you and receive your peace.

More Life and Death

Another death, another friend. This one older, but her death unexpected. Her family is in shock. The doctor told them she had only two to four months to live, and they could see her struggle to breathe, even with oxygen. The next day, as they were processing "two to four months to live," she died.

Her husband of 60 years has come undone. Within two days, he gave away his queen-size bed and bought a single. When I heard this, I recalled his wife's story to a small group at a women's retreat for our church. She said that a few weeks before that, she and her husband had lain in bed together and read "Song of Solomon" to each other, bit by bit, night after night. There was a hint of a giggle as she admitted it. As young women, we received an entirely new concept of mature love--the example of these grandparents who loved deeply and were still deeply in love, who included God's word in showing love to each other. What a blessed memory for me!

But of course he can't stand that bed now. Too many beautiful memories turned painful.

He wants no funeral, no flowers, no food. He wants no celebration. He cannot face celebrating a life well-lived in the reality of his loss. He has grudgingly agreed to a brief service at the cemetery chapel, his son speaking. There is no obituary in the newspaper. I think he really doesn't want anyone but family there.

We have been with their extended family through baptisms, weddings, births, unwed pregnancies, divorce, and now death. We have seen their children grow in faith and love, their children and grandchildren become missionaries. We consider ourselves family. We will be there to grieve with them, while privately we will rejoice that our friend is now breathing freely in God's own air.

Back to the Blog

Some days just don't turn out as we expect, do they? This one didn't. I had my day mapped out to write, write, write. I wanted to reestablish this blog that I started in 2005 and have neglected ever since. I have a new *2010 Writers' Market* to peruse; I had a devotional thought during my Bible study time that I wanted to get on paper.

Then the painter called to come give an estimate. Of course I went to my Pilates class. I remembered an errand for a friend that I'd forgotten to do yesterday, and that took some time.

Back at home, I started getting calls about a friend who just died. Her death was not unexpedcted, but still sad for her family and wonderful for her. The last time I sat with her, I said, "Merry, I know you want to go be with Jesus. I hope you can go soon." So now she is there.

But the detritus of her life must be managed by her devastated family. "I always thought I was the strong one," her husband of 40 years admitted. "Now I know she was."

So we started planning the memorial service at the church building for Saturday afternoon, which seemed too easy. It was. There is a wedding scheduled there at 4:30 on Saturday. I called more people, more people called me. We changed to morning, and then I received two calls about the bride having an arch there, decorated well ahead of time. What to do about the arch?

I said, "It has to be moved in. Surely it could be moved aside for the funeral and then moved back." Neither of the bride's champions agreed with that option. I said, "Whatever you think," and hung up.

It is a situation of low-budget wedding meets low-budget funeral. Neither of these parties has even the usual resources for such events. I pray for them both and leave it up to God. He's so much better than I about handling such things. Look at all the experience Jesus had with weddings and funerals.

At least, I thought, I have dinner in the crock pot. But then my sweet husband comes home and wants to take me in his convertible down to the beautiful Ohio River for dinner, since pleasant warm nights are becoming rare and we should take advantage. He's right. I'd rather enjoy my life than just write about it. So I'm out of here.